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The Ultra Comprehensive Wrestlemania 33 Review Part 2

Reviewing The Last Five Matches and A Mediocre Concert

Rory Gallagher, Staff Writer

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The Proposal of John Cena, and oh yeah, a match happened

John Cena has been uncomfortable about getting married and having kids for years even though his girlfriend, the underrated Nikki Bella, has been giving him the old “matrimony eyes” for years. He finally did. The Miz earned his Wrestlemania paycheck like no one else.  Cena and Nikki won with two moves, and the crowd maintained a quiet boo through the whole proposal. This was a moment for the little kids and the moms, but it was done well. Remember, wrestling’s usually only a soap opera for guys, so the easily predicted moment of love was sweet, but not truly romantic.

Seth Freakin’ Rollins vs “The Game” Triple H in an Unsanctioned Match

This match was the my favorite of the night, and to those who don’t know that Triple H’s entire fighting style boils down to “attack their weakpoint for massive damage, swing a sledgehammer like a battering ram, and slam them into the mat with their head in your crotch”, the guy looks like he actually wants to rip his former student’s bad leg off. It is not a match for new fans in that vicious sense, but it is a great simple psychology. Anyway, it ends with Triple H’s evil wife Stephanie McMahon going through an outside table, and Seth hits the move that his big sledgehammer dad Hunter Hearst Helmsley taught him to win the fight. Also, Seth hit a Phoenix Splash even after two leg injuries.


Pitbull vs The Crowd’s Enthusiasm in a Give Me The Greenlight Match

To quote my friend Timmy Saunders, “who wants to see a Pitbull concert at 10pm?” This live entertainment killed the crowd. That conclusion stunk because apart from the match that directly followed it, the “main event” of the card was awesome. Pitbull just went “dale” for far too long, and at the end, he still had not been given a greenlight, even though he repeatedly stated he was ready to go.


Bray Wyatt, WWE Champion, Loses To An RKO Clean to Crown Best Usually Boring Wrestler Randy Orton The New WWE Champion


Apparently this was a decent match, but I missed it while giving my friend a ride home. If I watched it, I assume I would have liked this Wrestlemania a lot less. From wrestling writer Brandon Stroud’s Best & Worst of Wrestlemania 33, he stated that was a bad match overall thanks to the dire “spooky projection powers” mid-match moment, as well as the boring RKO outta nowhere being the pinning move. I would say that it points that there is a dire problem with the feud between Orton and Wyatt.


Goldberg Gets Borked By Brock Lesnar


This match is the most intense five minute title match in a long while. Brock just hits German suplexes and the F5 spinning slam, and Goldberg can only do tackles and his suplex piledriver, the Jackhammer. Despite that, Brock Lesnar hits exactly 10 suplexes over the course, and the crowd went insane. When my friend Edwin Flores pulled up the video of the match to show our mutual friend Lupe Jacobo, she was overcome with passion, and cussed when Brock Lesnar won. This was the best ending to a feud that did not seem well man.


Smackdown Women’s’ Match, won by Naomi


Too short, but Naomi won in her hometown. Also, her submission finisher is so endearingly weird. The Slay-O-Mission is a sitting arm-trap leg based hold, which looks like nothing else in wrestling. To sum up this match, the rematch between tiny Harley Quinn devotee Alexa Bliss and Naomi on the following Smackdown had more time and the same ending. Watch that Smackdown instead.
Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker in a battle of who can call the ring their yard


Of all the gimmicks of the Deadman’s career, I’m fondest of Biker Undertaker just because he is a product of the early 2000’s that you cannot help but be in awe of. However, Deadman Undertaker is the best version of the character, but he was the best around seven to eight years ago when he was fighting Shawn Michaels.. A lot of this match looks like a Samoan jerk assaulting an elderly, very tall goth. It takes Roman Reigns pulling off the greatest spear of all time to pin him.



All in all, it was a nearly perfect show. I recommend Wrestlemania to anyone interested in seeing it. If you want to get into wrestling, watch this Wrestlemania. I cannot recommend it highly enough.


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