Celebrity Fight Night 3

Another Round of Intense Celebrity Brawls

Brian Heinrich, Staff Writer

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We’re back for another installment of Celebrity Fight Night, where celebrities from all walks of life arrive for the ultimate showdown.

Round 1: Steve Irwin with a snake vs Ice Cube with a parakeet
The first battle is between two icons with animal partners. Steve Irwin is armed with a poisonous snake, and Ice Cube has a pet store bird. The fight will take place in downtown L.A. with minimum traffic. Irwin may not look it, but I believe he is a very capable fighter. Anyone with doubts on that has to understand that the man wrestled crocodiles for a living. Ice Cube, on the other hand, is well known for his tough demeanor. While Irwin does have a huge advantage with his deadly snake, that does not mean the creature is on his side. The snake could easily bite the crocodile hunter if he is not careful. Ice Cube does not have to worry about watching his animal partner and could use the bird as a distraction for the snake if he wanted. Irwin is trained in dealing with dangerous animals, however, so I don’t think the snake would be that much of an issue. Winner: Steve Irwin and his snake

Round 2: Benjamin Franklin with the power of lightning vs Iron Man
Assuming Franklin doesn’t run away in terror when Iron Man flies down from the sky, I think this would be a very intense battle. The battle will take place in the streets of 1776 Philadelphia. The discoverer of electricity is armed with electricity itself and can shoot powerful blasts out of one or both hands. Big Ben can also use his lightning to fly, so Iron Man won’t necessarily have the air advantage. Iron Man of course has his suit of iron that lets him fly and shoot blasts out of his hands. I think Franklin could hold his own, but I think Iron Man just has too much.
Winner: Iron Man

Teddy Roosevelt during his Rough Rider days. Photo courtesy of theodoreroosevelt.com

Teddy Roosevelt during his Rough Rider days. Photo courtesy of theodoreroosevelt.com

Round 3: Abraham Lincoln vs Teddy Roosevelt
No super powers for this match up, just an all out fist fight. The battle will take place on the stage of the theater where Lincoln was assassinated. The fight may seem unbalanced when you consider that Roosevelt actually fought in a war and had his own group of men called the “Rough Riders,” but Lincoln is not as weak as he seems. Lincoln was actually a great fighter, for when he was a young man he often competed in winning boxing matches. Even still, Roosevelt was a real man’s man, and has the weight advantage.
Winner: Teddy Roosevelt

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